Posted on October 3, 2022
“Hey, over there, that man is pulling that lady by her hair across the avenue”.
“Watch out pastor, those mean guys by the broken window are beating up those women with glass and blood flying everywhere. Someone please call the police”.
Abuse like this need not be commonplace, but unfortunately in today’s society, it is becoming more and more a frequent occurrence. There is never, never an excuse for any of this. Anger, jealousy, alcohol and drugs are not acceptable. In most of these instances, one sad part is little or nothing is being done, which makes the problem escalated even more. Since 1987, October has been designated as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. This is a way to connect and unite individuals and organizations around this world-wide problem.
Relationship abuse like above occurs in a wide spectrum of individuals. Whether we are in heterosexual or same-gender relationships, or dating relationships or in a marriage, it makes no difference. Victims and abusers can be male or female or someone with gender identity, white or black or even yellow, be tall as seven feet or five feet or smaller, relationship harm occurs when someone uses these behaviors to actively control and manipulate another person. This type of torment does not only signify that an individual is being hit, punched, kicked or physically injured. A person can be harassed emotionally, which means that another is steering, dominating and exerting undue power over another individual. This may revolve around name-calling, humiliation and threats. People can also be abused sexually in relationships. A woman who is married and has consented to sex in the past can be sexually abused by her husband especially if she does not want to have sexual intercourse and he forces it
upon her. Also, the reverse happens.
Some victims of an Abusive Relationship are physically mishandled. One way people excessively mistreat others is through exhibiting dominance, because they want to be the one in total charge of their relationship. They tend to humiliate their partners to reduce their self-worth and exert power. Another way they use their power is to isolate their victims from friends and family. Some people become more vulnerable if they don’t have any support systems around them. Also, abusers tend to scare their victims with threats and an array of intimidation tactics. When the wrongdoer puts the entire blame on the victims, the abused may be made to feel and believe that they are lower than low and are totally worthless.
Many of us wonder why victims of abuse don’t leave their current relationships. One plausible reasoning may be that the victim is in severe danger if they leave the relationship. An offender could seriously hurt the other or any family member, including their children. Another reason that victims stay in their horrible situation is due to some financial reasons. A sufferer may not be able to support themself and their children without money from the perpetrator. If you know someone in an abusive relationship, listen to their reasons for staying in their predicament. Understanding these rationalities can make one a better resource for this person.
Signs of an Abusive Relationship:
According to New Hope, Inc. located around the country, these are some of the warning signs of an Abusive Relationship. One can call New Hope at 800 323 HOPE between 9am and 4pm Monday thru Friday, or visit their website, for more information.
EXTREME JEALOUSY
CONTROLLING BEHAVIOR
QUICK INVOLVEMENT
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS
ISOLATION
BLAMES OTHERS
HYPERSENSITIVITY
CRUELTY TO CHILDREN AND OR ANIMALS
DR JEKYLL AND MR HYDE
PAST HISTORY OF BATTERY
“PLAYFUL” USE OF FORCE OF SEX
VERBAL ABUSE
USE OF VIOLENCE OR THREAT OF VIOLENCE
WebMD stated that people that were targeted by these controllers and have any connections with them can have dire consequences. They often live with a number of residual problems that can last for years or the rest of their lives. As a result, they can develop some of the following:
Feelings of Isolation
Embarrassment
Depression
Anxiety
Suicidal Feelings
Addictions
Injuries
Financial Problems
Talk to friends and family members about the signs of abuse. Reach out to someone who we believe might be abused by his partner. Give assistance to domestic violence shelters or volunteer at a domestic violence shelter or hotline. If we’re being abused and or want to help others who are being abused, we have several options to think about. Also, if we know about someone in an abusive relationship or dealing with domestic violence or it is happening in our neighborhoods or anywhere else call the police or 911 or call National Domestic Violence at 800 799 SAFE (7233).
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Howard Diamond is a Certified Peer Specialist from Long Island
and is frequent writer for the Virtual Community